what a face.
we hit the pub for bachelorette drinking festivities.. and my parents were there with scott, and my brother was there working. this was me reacting to the fact that i was partying hardcore with my parents.
She done lost her damn mind.
All About Ginger
This Needs an Entry
Ginger is great. Not fat. And the only people that would call her that are hawkish little boy-women who wish they were her. Cunts. All of you.
This Pretty Much Explains Her
Now, I believe they’re being gracious, if not a bit PC, when they say “people.” They mean, “Alissa.”
sexy blisters from putting together the coffee table
Here we see an injury sustained by a ginger from attempting manual labor, something they are not adept at and only engage in if left without their male companion for longer than a few hours at a time. Such activity is not encouraged in the ginger community, as any deformities or scarrings will detract from their already unfortunate physical appearance.
-PTP, esq.
i always knew it
i have ninja ancestry.
granted im a huge gigantic klutz and who has ever heard of a clumsy ninja. but i know i have ninja blood. take for instance what just happened.
i was mining in the closet digging out clothes and shoes and wires and treasurey things to throw into piles and boxes for the move. i heard a slight noise above me, and turned my face up to see a fan launch itself off a shelf and tumbling at my face. my arms shot out, shoe in hand, and caught it. but my troubles were far from over. on its way down, the fan knocked into a can of buzz cola. it rocked. it rocked from side to side, standing on the rim and holding for a split second before gravity took over and it came tumbling off the shelf. in slow motion i reach out with the shoe and fan and CAUGHT THE COLA IN THE SHOE.
definitely ninja blood.
om nom nom
made pulled bbq today. 10 hours in the pot and so delicious
Current rumors state that a certain Miss Alissa Ginger can make anything into a culinary masterpiece. Give her a boot, and you end up with something that would make even Rachel Ray speechless.
Another rumor is that Anthony Bourdain has been proposing to her steadily since she turned legal, but she keeps rejecting him on the grounds that nobody wears tapered leg jeans anymore.
Ginger Sightings (by renowned Gingerologist Petitfour T. Picklesnaps, esq.)
Gingers in the wild have become a rare sight. Due to poaching for their shining locks of bright orange fur, plus the deforestation of their natural homes (flaming bushes), these elusive, yet dull, creatures’ numbers have dwindled to nearly nothing. Most prefer to stay in hiding, apparently feeling that the best offense is a good defense. If you are to see one, DO NOT APPROACH IT, as the lower class gingers are prone to fits of violence, particularly against members of their own family. Members of ginger families of lower class are known to steal from each other as well as engage in self-indulgent behavior such as rampant drug use and gambling. But at first glance, the difference between lower-class gingers and those of a more effete class can be difficult to discern, so use caution.
Gingers are spotted throughout the country, though lately they seem to be migrating into the Pacific Northwest. One can only venture a guess as to why, though it seems to be related to an elaborate mating ritual with the animal known colloquially as a “darkspike.” Darkspikes undergo drastic changes in a relatively short period of time, being squat and fat with longer, more jagged fur, but eventually transmutating into a taller, more fit adult who sheds his fur on a bimonthly basis. This is usually brought on after a traumatic event involving loons, which is followed by physical contact with the ginger.
Gingers are friendly creatures if they are allowed to warm up to you in a public setting first, perhaps a forum of some kind where they are allowed to mingle with others. They are also physically extremely well-equipped for childbirth, and their maternal instinct is strong from an early age, as evidenced by the nesting behavior involved with their own childhood playthings. Referred to by the slang “hope chest,” this nesting behavior is displayed more frequently and vibrantly after contact with young of the same species, though the same feeling can be evoked with less intensity by the young of certain feline and canine persuasions.
Upon first contact with a ginger, do not be afraid. They are generally more scared of you than you are of them. But don’t make any sudden moves because they will remove your genitals without blinking if they feel threatened in any way. Later, in an act of contrition, they will bring you a meal of some kind. Enjoy it. It may be your last.
-Petitfour T. Picklesnaps, esq.
